“You have cancer”. The 3 words no one ever wants to hear. It took my breath away. Literally. I stopped breathing and almost passed out. Once I gained composure, I knew I had to be strong. Strong in my mind. I knew I was going to lose control of what was going to happen to my physical body but I still had control of my mental state. And that’s where Yoga came in.
Once chemo begins, you get into a cycle of ups and downs. Symptoms you can’t imagine unless you’re the one experiencing them. But no matter how weak or tired I felt, I tried to roll my mat out most days. Even just sitting on it made me feel better. More connected. I visualised killing off cancer cells and chemicals with each breath. Sometimes my breath invited stretches or instigated asanas. Whether in silence or alongside a meditation App, Yoga played a big part in my cancer journey and continues to do so.
Yoga has been beside me throughout the better part of my life’s journey. It has travelled with me, comforted me, healed me, taught me, strengthened me, frustrated me and also just allowed me to be me. And each time I have been grateful. Yoga has given me the gift of being gentle with myself.
My Journal – 28 July 2016:
“I’ve hit a wall. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I’m sick of this shit. Sick of feeling like shit. Sick of looking like death. I can’t eat. Can’t talk. Don’t want to. I want to stay in bed all day, everyday. I HATE THIS!! I simply can’t fight anymore. I can’t be strong. I’m tired and beaten. Thank god for yoga though.”
By Jill Goehringer
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